Okay, it’s doggerel, but it’s about travel…

Oh off we went a-traveling, one nasty snowy day,
We heard of warmer climate south and headed off that way.
We made it through security and carried all our gear—
We’re both too cheap to pay a fee to someone else, I fear.

The flight was boring, long, and dark, and narrow was my seat,
Except my wife was next to me and that was quite a treat!
The arms tilt up between the seats, and if you are a pair
It lets you have a bit more room, and you can snuggle there!

We landed in San Juan that day and wondered where to go,
But then we found a taxi cab who knew the traffic flow
and promised he would get us there all safely to our ship.
He aimed that car! ‘Twas flying low, he drove at such a clip!
He got us to the ship in time, and sent us on our way;
I hope I never have a ride like the one I had today.

Do you like warm climate and exotic locales, but don’t feel a need for the limitations of a cruise’s schedule? Don’t like the extra expenses that you didn’t think of? A cruise ship too small for you?

Consider an all-inclusive resort.

All-inclusives generally have a single price that includes airfare, all food, all beverages, all lodging, all activities, all tips. Cruises can take you to several locations, but the resorts try to make up for it by having a large enough (say, 20 acres) and interesting enough physical plant to make up for the variety of destinations on a cruise.

One resort's accommodations

At an all-inclusive resort you don’t need to go on a paid excursion to take in horseback riding, snorkeling, scuba, sailing, fishing, hiking, and guided tours into town or nearby historic sites. They are included, and generally offered several times a day. You won’t run out of things to do, and the schedule is yours. Not into snorkeling? They have a pool too big to fit on a cruise ship, and at least one resort features big-name video games that aren’t even on the market yet. Maybe you like active (volleyball, tennis) sports or sedate (billiards) games. Included. Not to mention lounging on a really nice beach, or spa services (some of the spa services might be extra), and food.

Maybe golf is your game

Food! All-inclusives have several restaurants, all part of the package. Calling them “restaurants” might be an understatement. Take your pick of these modifiers: exotic, themed, gourmet, high-class (or casual), always open, sushi, French, Italian, western, seafood, even local.

Beaches is the foremost family-oriented resort, and they have several attractive locations. Sandals is a popular couples and honeymoon location. Do a quick internet search and you can find a pile more.

You can even get married at an all-inclusive. Included, but you have to bring your own spouse-to-be.

The goal of an all-inclusive resort is to offer so many things on site that you feel no need to go elsewhere. Eventually you have to come home, though. When you do, come back to this site and tell us about it.

You pay a premium for cruise-sponsored shore excursions. In exchange, you get pretty good security and value. Are you willing to be a little more adventuresome in exchange for a lower price? A lot of islands have destinations (such as beaches, towns, and countryside) that you can get to by private taxi, and private boats with captains willing to take you to the same places the sponsored excursions go. These people are generally competent, honest, and fairly priced. How do you tell who’s good and who’s not?

Here are a few tips from an expert:

• Look for several taxis from the same company. These are more likely to be legitimate and have a stake in giving good service.
• Ask to see their business license. No license, no customer.
• Ask to take their picture. On the one hand, it’ll make a good keepsake, and on the other hand, a bad guy won’t want his likeness available to the authorities.
• Avoid taxis and other services that sport a magnetic sign on the door as their evidence of being legitimate.
• Don’t go with anyone you have a funny feeling about.
• Pick a driver/captain whose grasp of English is good, unless you speak the local lingo yourself. Clarify everything in advance.
• Pay at the end, not up front. Tipping is okay.
• Expect something more informal than a sponsored excursion.

When you come back, come here and leave tell about your adventure.

The best cruises include activities off the ship (unless you’re out in the middle of the Atlantic or Pacific on the way to the next continent). Cruises around the Caribbean that feature daytime stops at different islands, for example, are extremely popular, and you miss out on a lot if you stay on board all day, free lunch on board or not.

The islands allow you to just get off the boat and walk around, and most (all?) ports have plenty of local taxis offering to squire you about and show you the sights. Shop carefully.

The cruise lines themselves screen and approve certain vendors, and even though you pay a premium for them, you are pretty much guaranteed a safe and enjoyable experience. Cruise-sponsored excursions come in two types. The ones that you sign up for in advance, and the ones you buy on board. The cruise company web site lists them all, and you are wise to look over  the sign-up-in-advance excursions and get on the list early because many have limited capacity (when the bus is full, they don’t stack passengers on the roof) and you can miss out.

Golf Outing

Here is some idea of that to expect to pay, per person:

• Golf excursions run in the $185 range
• Scuba dives start at about $100
• Snorkeling starts at about $35
• You can rent a Harley (motorcycle) for about $500
• Cheapest were  visits to some butterfly gardens, and a cable car ride, each for around $20.

Excursions vary considerably in content. You can get dropped off at a beach, go on a dozen kinds of bus tour, take a boat to a hundred good snorkel spots (gear provided), hike up mountains, and go horseback riding. And that’s by no means everything. The amount of included food and drink varies. The amount of shopping varies. The amount of exercise varies! The duration varies from about an hour to about 5 hours.

You can’t possibly do everything, but you short-change yourself if you don’t do something on shore. Take some of that money you saved on the boat tickets and go on an adventure!

And when you get back, come here and leave a few comments.

“Pro” in the sense of travel agent. Yup, my friend is a bona fide travel agent. She says the biggest mistake people make when they take a vacation is they pack too much. Here’s how to pack:

• Lay out everything you plan to pack on the bed. Put half of it back; pack the rest.
• If you’re a guy, and you’re going on a cruise, pack your old undies. Throw them out as the cruise progresses. You eliminate laundry and having to pack dirty underwear when you return home. (Sounds gross, but speaking as a guy, it makes sense.)
• Don’t fold your clothing when you pack. Roll all your clothes into cylinders. The clothes don’t wrinkle, and for some reason, the items seem to take up less space. Easier to find stuff, too.